Brittany's Roast Finale: "Seven Days Of Creation...er, Graduation!"
And in the first year of college there was scholarship, and Brittany waxed strong in volleyball and did excel mightily. And the athletic department did send forth tribute money to her parents. Then did the coach look at all her victories and say, “It is good.”
And in the second year of college verily verily did she and Dennis look at each other and say, “Indeed verily verily do we have too much money being single so let us wed and be poor like everyone else!” And this did they, and they said, “Let us make us a child in our own image.” And the baby did come forth, and came forth some more, and did come forth even still some more until it was coming forth exceedingly greatly and longly! Then did they name her Makenzie which being interpreted is, “I shall be very pretty and shall tower over all of my little people friends!” And the nurses looked at the cute baby and said, “It is huge! Er, good!”
And in the third year of college did Brittany stay home and keep Makenzie after they moved to Waco where the big river did flow mightily, and thus they stayed for a year. But Brittany did not go to school there, neither did she learn to like watermelon, cantaloupe, or ice tea as she found in that land. And Makenzie did grow strong and prosper and filled lots of diapers. And when at last the baby was potty-trained, Brittany prayed and said, “It is really good!”
Then in the fourth year of college did Brittany say, “Since I am scared of heights, let us get us henceforth to a place of great flatness!” And they cast forth their eyes and did see Wichita Falls where Brittany’s sister did dwell and April said, “It is good.”
In the fifth year of college did Brittany consider becoming a massage therapist after she enrolled as an Indian of higher learning. But the prophecy must be fulfilled which said “…in the days of Brittany thou shalt stop shaming thy ancestors with mascots not politically correct and thus shalt thou copy the prancing ponies of thy SMU neighbors!” Then the school board set their face and said, “It is good.”
And in year six Dennis did work on a farm, and worked on a TXU truck, and drove a wrecker, and drove trucks, then worked for the city, and then drove trucks again ordering “Swate Tay!” all over the country while Brittany did continue to accumulate bumps and bruises all the while for her clumsiness as well as more grades for her classes. Then did they lift up their eyes from 10th St. and lo, there was a house by a lake in a far off distance where the buzzards did fly. And they communed within themselves and said, “Shall we not buy yonder house forthwith and set our feet in the cool waters to fish and to have merriment therewith?” And they undertook to buy that house.
Then did every plague known to the house-buying realm cast itself forth upon them to withstand them from the house! And the process took time and time upon times, and generations did pass not knowing whether or not they could get the house. But lo, did not Brittany continue her classes again and strive to make the way plain for her degree? Albeit, she could find no class that could teach her how to back a car and thus it continues unto this day that all look at where she is going before they cross the parking lot. And when Brittany has exited the vehicle pedestrians say, “It is good.”
And in the seventh year of college did they drop the refrigerator at the new house and spewed forth food into divers places so that Makenzie missed Bailey’s birthday party. And Andrew Jones said, “Let us play softball.” So the men and women did take bats and gloves onto the field to make errors therewith. And Erica was pressed into service and did perform mightily with borrowed shoes. Then did Brittany pick up her bat and walk to home plate. And the umpire said, “Verily verily, how readest thou the rule book? Hast thou dominion to bring shame to this diamond and bring reproach upon thy father’s father? Thus shalt thou not bat with yonder dew rag upon thy head! Remove it henceforth!” And Brittany did remove it in her wrath and hit a double such as like had not been seen until this day for the Lost and Found softball team.
And the registrar looked at her transcript and said, “It is good.”
And in the second year of college verily verily did she and Dennis look at each other and say, “Indeed verily verily do we have too much money being single so let us wed and be poor like everyone else!” And this did they, and they said, “Let us make us a child in our own image.” And the baby did come forth, and came forth some more, and did come forth even still some more until it was coming forth exceedingly greatly and longly! Then did they name her Makenzie which being interpreted is, “I shall be very pretty and shall tower over all of my little people friends!” And the nurses looked at the cute baby and said, “It is huge! Er, good!”
And in the third year of college did Brittany stay home and keep Makenzie after they moved to Waco where the big river did flow mightily, and thus they stayed for a year. But Brittany did not go to school there, neither did she learn to like watermelon, cantaloupe, or ice tea as she found in that land. And Makenzie did grow strong and prosper and filled lots of diapers. And when at last the baby was potty-trained, Brittany prayed and said, “It is really good!”
Then in the fourth year of college did Brittany say, “Since I am scared of heights, let us get us henceforth to a place of great flatness!” And they cast forth their eyes and did see Wichita Falls where Brittany’s sister did dwell and April said, “It is good.”
In the fifth year of college did Brittany consider becoming a massage therapist after she enrolled as an Indian of higher learning. But the prophecy must be fulfilled which said “…in the days of Brittany thou shalt stop shaming thy ancestors with mascots not politically correct and thus shalt thou copy the prancing ponies of thy SMU neighbors!” Then the school board set their face and said, “It is good.”
And in year six Dennis did work on a farm, and worked on a TXU truck, and drove a wrecker, and drove trucks, then worked for the city, and then drove trucks again ordering “Swate Tay!” all over the country while Brittany did continue to accumulate bumps and bruises all the while for her clumsiness as well as more grades for her classes. Then did they lift up their eyes from 10th St. and lo, there was a house by a lake in a far off distance where the buzzards did fly. And they communed within themselves and said, “Shall we not buy yonder house forthwith and set our feet in the cool waters to fish and to have merriment therewith?” And they undertook to buy that house.
Then did every plague known to the house-buying realm cast itself forth upon them to withstand them from the house! And the process took time and time upon times, and generations did pass not knowing whether or not they could get the house. But lo, did not Brittany continue her classes again and strive to make the way plain for her degree? Albeit, she could find no class that could teach her how to back a car and thus it continues unto this day that all look at where she is going before they cross the parking lot. And when Brittany has exited the vehicle pedestrians say, “It is good.”
And in the seventh year of college did they drop the refrigerator at the new house and spewed forth food into divers places so that Makenzie missed Bailey’s birthday party. And Andrew Jones said, “Let us play softball.” So the men and women did take bats and gloves onto the field to make errors therewith. And Erica was pressed into service and did perform mightily with borrowed shoes. Then did Brittany pick up her bat and walk to home plate. And the umpire said, “Verily verily, how readest thou the rule book? Hast thou dominion to bring shame to this diamond and bring reproach upon thy father’s father? Thus shalt thou not bat with yonder dew rag upon thy head! Remove it henceforth!” And Brittany did remove it in her wrath and hit a double such as like had not been seen until this day for the Lost and Found softball team.
And the registrar looked at her transcript and said, “It is good.”